Does this make any sense? WWYD?

[anonymous bean]

My husband & I have not been married all that long, since November. We had been together almost 4 yrs at that time. My dh never proposed to me it was just decided that we would get married. We could not afford a real fancy ring, or big wedding. It was also kind of last minute and in winter. So, we only had the two of at the wedding. The only people who knew ahead of time were dh's mom & dad. We were married by a pastor at a nice B&B that we had visited once before & enjoyed. Within a month we had informed all family/friends that we had been married & we did have a photographer there so we did give my parents & his parents/grandparents a nice photo & we got a memory book/pics for ourselves. Everything did cost a quite a bit, but not compared to a 'real' wedding. Anyway, our plan was originally to have this wedding with the two of us & then later on this year have kind of a reception/party so that family could share in the occasion with us. His family did kinda of seem to want this.
Well, now this time has passed. We don't yet have anything planned for this & we also still don't really have any money. We have children & a house that needs some attention. We originally planned to do this for the family & to further celebrate getting married, but now dh seems uncomfortable about it and I don't think he wants to do it. My family alienated most of our relatives & my siblings don't speak to me. I used to have lots of friends, but lost track of all of them & am a supershy SAHM so it is hard for me to meet people. There is one person besides my parents I would invite. So, really this is for dh's family/friends & us. I also feel a little uncomfortable as I don't want it to seem like we just want wedding gifts because that is not what this is. We have a small home (dh plans to upgrade in a couple years) so I don't even know where we will keep the stuff till then.
Is it appropriate to have this later on reception like this? Do people ever do this? I thought about having a 2nd ceremony but I don't know if that would be affordable & we are legally married, though it would be fun to have a ceremony w/my nieces in it, etc! I thought maybe whatever we did we could hopefully cram everyone in the backyard & hope it doesn't rain. I'm exactly sure how it would work.
Also, does anyone have any neat ideas for something elegant but inexpensive? I tend to like things that are more traditional & am a romantic at heart. We will prob do something w/our fav colors - pink & green.
Another thing I'm having a hard time w/is how things were done. I am really sad I don't have some beautiful romantic proposal story to remember & tell my kids & also I would have felt more like my s/o had REALLY wanted to marry me that way, if that makes sense. Also, a lot of dh's friends have married recently & as they do I feel bad & a little resentful that I did not get a wedding/reception, etc. It probably makes me seem shallow, but I can't help how I feel. I thought it would be no big deal, but now I feel like missed out on something big. Our wedding was very nice, but it's not the same. Any idea on how to deal w/this. I think dh does sense that on a certain level, but not entirely & I haven't spelled it all out to him. I'm also not sure if it bothers him. Someone, please help me! I feel so confused about all this & I hope it's not as confusing to read. TIA

[shanmarie]

I have heard that some people have had an open house after they got married. You can still do your colors that you would like and then maybe in lieu of gifts maybe they could do something in honor of your marriage. I am sure that whatever you do it will be special.

fyi- I don't have a romantic propsal story myself. my dh asked me just out of the blue. so don't feel to bad there.

[GreyhoundMama]

Ditto on the proposal... My husband proposed to me in his bedroom at my MIL's house. But I think how a man proposes doesn't truly matter as long as you love each other very much - it is only one moment in your long life together hopefully filled with numerous happy moments.

Maybe just have a small party at home - involve the kids and have them help decorate? You could always have the family and friends bring a dish instead of a gift and do a potluck type celebration and maybe rent a tent for the backyard.

[Hayley]

I'm sure you can come up with some great ideas by looking online. I can see where you would be upset that you didn't have a big celebration because its a joyous ocasion I don't think it would be a bad idea if your doing a gathering informally to ask people to bring a dish, especially if you do it in the sense of a family gathering and also to celebrate our marriage type thing. Or if your uncomfortable with asking people to bring a dish you could just make fruit salad and meat trays on your own as well as a pasta salad so you wouldn't have to use a caterer.

[HopingforaMiracle]

I didn;t have a very big wedding...but it;s how I always wanted it...infact most of my family wasn;t even there due to the distance...but it's all good...my husband proposed by hinting at it then finally out and asked over the phone...I didn;t get the ring til Christmas which was much later...I say it;s not how they propose it's the fact that they love you enough to want to spend the rest of their lives with you...

for a small party/celebration I;d say get the kids to help...maybe making paper chains out of your fave colors? and you could get everyone to bring a dish instead of a present like Anne Marie said...
and for incase it rains you;d not really need a tent jus a tarp with some poles...then if it rains everyone can go under it...that's what my stepmom did for my stepsister's Graduation...

[September]

The size of the wedding, and how much it did or did not cost does not correlate to the feelings of the couple.

I'm one of those women that do not want a big wedding whenever Béla and I choose to get married. I want to elope and get married somewhere fun, like be married by "Elvis"in Vegas, or I want to have a very small ceremony (only immediate family) on a beach somewhere, barefoot

I've heard of more than a few people having a very small ceremony or eloping and then for an anniversary down the line they have a bigger ceremony to renew there vows.

I think you and DH should do whatever you two feel most comfortable with doing. If YOU want to have a bigger ceremony so that friends & family can be "a part" of it do it, if not don't worry about it and consider something like an anniversary party or something like that.

[Mrs.M]

Dh and I lived together for 5 years before getting married. It was kinda one of those things were we wanted to have a baby and thought... geez maybe we should get married first. We went to the JP with just one friend as a witness! BUT I have a better marriage than 98% of my friends... all they have are the wedding memories, kwim.
You could just have a cookout to celebrate your love/family and keep it very simple if you want, or wait, save up and renew your vows on like a 5th or 10th anniversary.

[Polly]

I like the idea of renewing vows at 5 or 10 years, or better yet, having a housewarming/open house when you move up, like Shannon said. Etiquette-wise, I'm afraid the time has passed for you to have a typical wedding reception. Generally, when you have a destination wedding or elope (a wedding where you cannot have everyone there) a reception is given by someone else for you, like a shower. Matt and I eloped. 6 years later, no regrets. Damn, it was just about the smartest thing I have ever done!

[georgeadl]

DH and I were married in March 2007 and didn't have a reception until June 2007. His sister had just had a baby in January on the other side of the country, so we waited for the reception until she and the baby could fly. We also had a small wedding. 40 people. Family and very close friends only. I loved it. The only thing I regret is not getting the pretty dress!