Bitterness from those still TTC

[anonymous bean]

I've been a member of another TTC/preggo board for about two years now. I have seen many, many women that were on their TTC journey get their BFPs while I continued to hope for mine month after month after month. When I -finally-got my BFP I was excited to share it with those girls that had been on the journey with me but understood the pain of watching yet another person get their BFP while they continued on w/o a bean growing in their belly.

Lately, it seems there is so much bitterness and even resentment from certain ladies on this other board towards all of the preggos, myself included. It's getting to the point now where I feel weird visiting the TTC topics even though many TTC ladies ask for help or insight from the BTDT mommies. Up until now I have continued to visit certain topics because, since my TTC journey was a long and bumpy one, I have a lot of knowldge & experience and share it when asked with the hope of helping another girl conceive.

Some of these bitter TTC mommies I know fairly well because I went through a year of TTC right along with them. There are times that I've wanted to say to them "The preggo mommies don't come over here to rub your faces in our pregnancies but instead with the hopes of giving someone information or advice that will help them to conceive. I know the pain of TTC and seeing the ladies all around you get their BFPs while you struggle with the pain of yet another month with a BFN. I was there right along with you not too long ago, remember? I don't know why we conceived but you didn't, however I pray for you everyday and hope that your BFP is just around the corner."

There's also a part of me that struggles with the thought of hiding my signature/ticker when I visit a TTC topic just to be more considerate to those still TTC, but there's a part of me that feels I shouldn't have to. I do hide my siggie with my pics and ticker in it when I visit a topic regarding pregnancy loss.

[[[[[[Sigh]]]]]]]]]]]

[Jo Ann]

I am sorry you are feeling like there is smoe bitterness toward you on the other board.

[charisma]

I am sorry they seem to resent you so much. Congratualtions on your BFP though. If they were good friends, they wouldn't resent you...or at least they wouldn't openly resent you for it. I hope that they realize that you want to help them and be there for them. Good Luck.

[CrazyInLove0413]

Congratulations on your BFP!!! That's wonderful.
Don't worry about those others.
Yes, it kind of sucks when you see someone else pregnant when you're not... but what people need to realize is that their time will come eventually.

[Mrs.M]

I think you should post a message saying just what you said here about being there to help and having been through it and I think it is great you want to help others!

[haven]

some women just can't find happiness for others when they themselves are unhappy. Ignore them and continue to give hope to the positive TTCers

[September]

I agree 100% with haven. I'm kind of going through the same thing you are and it bothers me a great deal because these were ladies I spilled my heart and soul out to when we were all TTC and now we hardly speak. It's hard but there's really nothing you can do if it's on their end besides let them know that you're thinking about them.

[shanmarie]

i totally understand where you are coming from. it took us 6 1/2 years to get pg with our first son brenden. it took us another year to get pregnant with jayson. i am so happy that you finally have your bfp. i am also sorry that you are upset. enjoy your pregnancy to the fullest. hope you have a happy and healthy pregnancy.

[anonymous bean]

I also agree with Haven. Some people just can't be happy for others through their pain. My mother had a good friend that misscarried, partly because of her weight and partly becuse of an abnormality in her uterus. When my mother got pregnant after her first missacarrage she completly stopped talking to her and ignored her all together. Then when my sister and I got pregnant 3 years later she was livid with the whole family.

Try to keep being there for them. Especially the ones who are really your friends. Let them know you're there to help and really praying for them every day.

[Babypower]

Comeing from someone that has been TTC for a wile when i have a friend that gets there BFP before me i am so very happy for them but so bumed for me. but i don't think i have never been bitter it is just so hard. i know that when i find out about someone that had not been trying or had tryed for a short time it is harder on me that when someone i know that had been trying for a long time. or when someone is haveing like # 7 or something that is hard too it is like i am sitting here and i want 1 right now why do thy get 7 and i can't have 1 you know. And being someone that has been there do you remember how you felt month after month was it hard to be around PG ladies. anyway i am trying to make you feel better if i don't i am sorry. I guess it turned into a ramble and again i am sorry about that. but i know with me that is how i feel. dose that make sence? anyway Congrats on you BFP Hugs.

[dnadjkovic]

I know how you feel. It's like people are upset with YOU over something you really have no control over (their fertility). You wouldn't have CHOSEN for them to not get BFPs, so why are they mad at YOU over it? If I had magical powers I'd have EVERYBODY on the ttc side get BFPs tomorrow.

I totally understand being upset about another person's pregnancy - I shed QUITE a few tears when my friends got pg and I didn't. But as a mature adult FRIEND - TRUE FRIEND - I never let that show through to them. No matter how hurt or upset *I* was, I didn't have the right to ruin their happiness, and I for sure wouldn't want someone to do that to me. That doesn't only apply to ttc, it applies to everything. Part of being mature, and being an adult is knowing when to speak (or act) your mind, and it shows nothing but pure class to smile and be happy for someone else's good news even when your heart is breaking inside.