[InnerKnitter]

OPK Success!!!

So I think I figured out what was wrong last month. I only waited 3 minutes to read the results, the minimum amount of time. The test actually takes 10 minutes to run to confirm a negative. I was testing at work though and didn't want to hang out in the bathroom for 10 minutes. Also, very few people at work know about the whole ttc thing so I didn't want to have to talk about it or explain things.

Jamie gave me some great advice about testing more often and a link to some super cheap tests. I actually took them on vacation with me when we went to the shore with DH's family. They know everything so I didn't feel like I was hiding anything. Anyway, wouldn't you know I got a positive result in the Atlanta airport during a layover. As soon as I got home I called my doctor and now I'm scheduled for the last test. 3 simple blood draws. I'm so happy, I'm not afraid of needles so this will be a cake walk test. Then, if this month isn't the month (we did BD when we got home) we will likely move forward with IUI.

Sometimes I pray. I'm praying especially hard right now because I have hope again. So much of this process has been survival of ever changing emotions, awkward and uncomfortable tests, writing checks, peeing on sticks, and balancing who to tell, what to tell and when to tell. But I have hope again, things are about to happen. I'm asking God for this timeline because it would be so wonderful. If you pray, would you pray for me that this would happen? I would like to get pregnant this month (today is CD 16) or next month. When I go home in October for a wedding DH and I could tell our families in person. I would still be able to fly back again for Christmas (show off a little baby bump maybe) and then the baby would be born in May or June. My youngest sister in law would just be finishing her first year of college. There is a pattern in my family of a sister coming to stay for a couple of weeks with the new mom to help out. She's interested and it would be great to have her here (plus she's super excited about being an aunt). Then maybe we would fly back in August with our 2 month old for the annual family vacation and the baby could meet the whole family. It seems so dreamy right now, but the mere fact that I think it could be perfect also makes me doubt that it will happen that way.

Still I believe in a God who loves me and wants to bless me. My struggles with IF so far have actually brought me closer to family, my DH, and some wonderfully supportive friends. I have cried tears of despair and desire deeper than I thought my heart could feel. I have learned that I can not do everything on my own. Even though I look back and can say, this has in some part been good, I also look back and say this has been hard, this has reached deeper into who I am than anything else ever has.

So I wait, desperately not wanting to become a POAS aholic but with cheap tests I may lose that will power game. I also pray both for the dream timeline and for the willingness to accept a "no" and still believe that good things will still happen.